


Andante Andante

by Violetscented



Category: Once Upon a Time (TV)
Genre: Dark!Emma, Drunken Confessions, F/F, First Time, Mentions of past marital rape, Storybrooke and Enchanted Forest, Time Travel, the dark one - Freeform
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2015-07-14
Updated: 2015-08-02
Packaged: 2018-04-09 07:48:31
Rating: Explicit
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 9
Words: 21,760
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/4340000
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Violetscented/pseuds/Violetscented
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Posted for Swan Queen week. 14th July with the theme: time travel. This takes place two months after the season four finale. Emma is still the Dark One but she has changed a lot with Regina's help. After a drunken admission, Emma finds out something that Regina wants changed from her past and realises that she can make it happen for the woman who has become so important to her.</p>
            </blockquote>





	1. Drinks and time travel

Emma gestured to get Granny's attention and then pointed angrily at the jukebox. Regina had spent the last five minutes making sarcastic comments about useless old werewolves and their terrible taste in syrupy eighties ballads and it was starting to grate on Emma.

Granny frowned but nodded at Emma and went to turn the jukebox off. People tended to humour Regina, especially when she was drunk. Of course, these days they humoured Emma too.

Two months after that fateful night, everyone had accepted that she was the Dark One now and while Emma had, with much help from Regina, managed to master the darkness and harness it somewhat, people still tread lightly around her these days. Well, not Regina of course. Regina treated her the way she always had, as if Emma was a particularly interesting puppy that she couldn't help but care about. It was nice to know that someone saw her exactly as she had been before the transformation.

The only difference was the gratitude. Emma, having taken on the curse in Regina's stead, had made the brunette extraordinarily grateful and uncertain of how to show it. After a while Emma had solved the problem by suggesting that Regina could buy her a cheeseburger and as many beers as she wanted each Friday night, and to her great surprise, Regina had jumped at the offer.

The problem was that all these weeks later, they weren't just stopping at Emma's beers and Regina's red wine. Now there were gin & tonics, martinis and vodka shots involved. This meant that they had spilled way too many secrets to each other and seen each other far too drunk. Like right now. Emma wasn't too bad, a side effect of being the Dark One was that her body recuperated fast, but Regina had polished off her drinks after just a meagre kale salad and was now blind drunk.

That fact was soon obvious as Regina heavily slurred as she asked her question. "S-so... you are actually trying to tell me that you might be able to  _time travel_?"

Emma shrugged. "Gold seems to think so. He says that me being both the Saviour and the Dark One has given me unexpected powers. You remember last week when I kinda faded out and then came to like five minutes  _before_  everything had gone black?"

Regina nodded and then had to re-focus her gaze after the dizzying movement.

"Well, he thinks I actually travelled in time somehow. He's been doing something with a strand of my hair, dipping it in potions and stuff and he thinks that I might have some new powers, including time travel. It's all kinda confusing and weird." Emma ran her hand through her platinum blonde hair and frowned as she considered it all.

"Well, if you manage to harness that power you will be more powerful than any of us, Miss Swan," Regina said tersely and took another sip of her martini.

For a moment Emma's tipsy mind wondered if the moniker of  _Miss Swan_  was Regina distancing herself from her, but as she surveyed Regina's expression she decided that it was just an affectionate nickname as usual.

"Hey, I'll never be as awesome as you, Madam Mayor. Cursing people to Maine… that's some heavy-duty stuff right there," Emma mocked.

Regina frowned and pursed her lips in displeasure. "Oh hush. Would you like another martini?"

Emma held up her empty glass. "Yeah, why the hell not? I'm not the Sheriff anymore so no work tomorrow."

"Well as tomorrow is Saturday and Henry is spending the weekend hiking with the merry men… I don't have to get up early either," Regina muttered and gestured to Granny to get them new martinis.

Emma tapped her fingers on the counter nervously. "Right. Hey Regina… speaking of the merry men. How are things with you and Robin?"

Regina sighed. "The same. I'm glad we decided to just be friends. The whole situation with Zelena and the baby was just too complicated. I was always expecting us to work it out in the end, we are supposed to be soulmates after all… but strangely, I'm finding that he and I seem to work better as friends than romantic partners. Perhaps the pixie dust was wrong. Perhaps I am meant to be alone, it could be fates way of making me atone for my past sins!"

"That is such crap, Regina. Of course you won't be alone, I think you just need to find someone who isn't having a baby with your sister and who isn't…", Emma trailed off.

Regina fixed her drunken gaze on the woman with the glittering, white-powdered skin. "Isn't  _what_?"

"Nothing," Emma muttered and took the two martinis Granny handed her. Regina's was a dirty gin martini with an olive and Emma's was a lemon twist one made with vodka.

"Oh no, you are not getting away that easily, Miss Swan. Finish your sentence."

Emma gave a mock-salute. "Yes, Madam Mayor."

Regina gave her the look. " _Emma_."

"Fine, fine. I was going to say someone who is more like you. Someone less pure and more… complicated," she explained, hoping that Regina wouldn't take it the wrong way and blow up.

Regina just scoffed and took a big gulp of her martini. "Excuse me if I don't take love advice from a woman whose boyfriend is afraid of her."

Ouch. That stung. Emma knew it was true and so did most of Storybrooke, Hook had indeed bailed about three weeks ago because he couldn't handle watching his pretty saviour turning into his hated crocodile, but still… those words hurt like hell.

Emma hadn't been head over heels for the man, in fact there had been times where she thought that all she felt for him was physical attraction and a sense of obligation to  _save him_. But still… Killian leaving on the Jolly Roger with disgust in his eyes as he spoke of his sainted heroine being tainted by the curse of the Dark One, had been excruciating. After all, people leaving her was Emma's Achilles heel.

Regina seemed to realise what she had done and put her head in her hands as she mumbled, "oh god, Emma. I am terribly sorry. I am drunk and didn't think before I spoke."

Emma waved her hand dismissively. "Don't be. It's true. Violent tendencies aside… my skin glitters and my eyes look all weird, what sensible guy wouldn't run a mile?"

"Nonsense! Your skin does glitter but it hasn't become scaly, leaving you looking more like you are covered in sugar than like a crocodile. Now that you have let your hair down and dress more like your old self, you don't look  _that_  outlandish. Sure, we all miss those piercing sea-green eyes but your dark ones are fascinating to watch."

Emma felt surprised at two things in what Regina had just said. One - that Regina had taken the time to note her specific eye colour. Most people just said blue or green, depending on in what light they had noticed her eyes. Two - that Regina found her current eyes 'fascinating to watch'. Compliments from Regina Mills were rare and Emma had to admit that they were a nice bandage on the gaping wound in her confidence.

Emma pushed her luck. "What about the violent tendencies?"

Regina gave a mirthless laugh and pointed to herself as she slurred, "hello. I am the Evil Queen who has murdered, tortured and maimed people. Are you sure I can be unbiased regarding violent tendencies?"

Emma chuckled. "Nah, maybe not. Still, there is one good thing about the darkness in me these days, you and I have more in common."

Regina looked like she had just been made to swallow something bitter. "Emma, I preferred it when what we had in common was Henry, difficult love lives and magic," she said quietly.

Emma sighed. "Yeah, me too. Still, until we can figure out how to break the Dark One curse I'm kinda stuck this way. It's nice to talk to someone who isn't freaked out by it."

"Dear. Not only am I  _not freaked out by it_ , as you call it, I used to be intrigued by the Dark One back when Rumpelstiltskin was my teacher. To now be friends with the new Dark One is basically a feather in my cap," Regina joked with a sad smile.

Emma peered at Regina over her glass as she took a sip. Then she gathered her courage and voiced what was on her mind. "Regina? Was that all a joke or did you  _actually_  find it intriguing?"

Regina waved her hand in a drunken gesture of agreeing. "Oh most certainly! As soon as I embraced the idea of magic, I became obsessed with all sides of that alluring power. And no magic is more powerful than that of the Dark One."

Emma stored that fact in her mind. And yes… that bandage on the gaping hole in her confidence grew distinctly larger from the comment.

She decided to change the topic. "So, if you could time travel what would you do?"

Regina looked incredulously at her before slurring, "y-you mean other than stopping Daniel's death, not killing my beloved father and not basically ruining everyone's life?"

Emma held up her hands. "Okay, okay... silly question. Let me rephrase. What would you do if you could only do something small because you didn't want to mess with timelines and change too much?"

Regina hummed to herself and then looked up at the ceiling as she pondered the question. Emma watched her closely and realised that the Mayor was swaying slightly in her seat.

"I would… hmm… I would go back and make sure that your grandfather didn't get the opportunity to claim my maidenhood in the way he did."

Emma had just taken a sip of her martini and now nearly choked on the liquid.

Regina looked at her coughing and spluttering and gave a sad smile. "Sorry, I am sure that was not what you wanted to hear and it was probably oversharing, but that is the honest answer. A person's first time shapes so much of their sexual experiences. I wish my first time hadn't been painful, frightening and… unwanted."

Emma looked pained. "Oh shit, Regina. I'm so sorry! I'm so sorry that bastard did that to you."

Regina cleared her throat and collected herself. "Well, it wasn't such a crime back then. A husband had a right to claim his wife and in his defence, he did keep asking if I was enjoying it. The problem was that I had been brought up to lie in that situation and so… I said it was wonderful and he knew too little of the female anatomy to know that I was lying."

Despite this, Emma felt bile rising in her throat and a strange wish to punch her own grandfather. She felt her own anger bounce around inside her and every time it bounced it multiplied due to the aggression of the Dark One. Soon Emma was seething and she had to use all her calming techniques to keep herself from setting the world on fire.

Regina saw her enraged face and placed a cool, soft hand on top of Emma's. "Don't let it break your control over the darkness, dear. It's fine. It was many, many years ago and I've had plenty of better experiences since then. Let's pretend I didn't say anything, I'll probably regret my candour tomorrow anyway."

Emma nodded but deep down she knew that she couldn't just forget or ignore the injustice that Regina and many women like her had been forced to endure.

Since becoming the Dark One Emma had taken up a necessary hobby before bed every night. She would use her new, shiny punch bag to kick and box her aggressions out until she was too tired to stand. Then she would use magic to make herself clean and fall into bed. When she woke she would see that the punching bag was ruined and she would have to create a new one with magic for her next session. This new routine, together with all her calming exercises and daily therapy with Doctor Hopper kept the worst of the evil at bay.

If there was one thing she was certain of it was that tonight she would imagine King Leopold's face on the punch bag and that the boxing tool would be more ruined than normally.

* * *

**Thanks for reading! Chapter two will be coming soon.**


	2. Resisting the big urges and giving in to smaller ones

Regina woke up and groaned. She had a bit of a headache but she knew that would be cured with some coffee and lots of water, what wasn't going to go away so easily was the pain in her stomach. Drinking that much with nothing but kale to soak it up always meant that she ended up in agony all day. And yet, she never learned.

She knew why of course. She knew why she always said no when Emma asked if she wanted to share her peanuts or her apple pie on these drunken Friday nights. Mother. Cora's voice would always ring in her ears like it did when she was young.

"Dear. Are you certain you should eat that cherry tart? Your waistline is one of the few things still in your favour."

And so Regina ate what she had to eat to get enough nutrients, and she took great pride in her cooking skills, but she never reached for that second portion or accepted a bite of Henry's chocolate bars, despite how often the sweet boy offered.

Regina's stomach seized up in cramps and she dragged herself out of bed. She needed some oatmeal porridge and it looked like her beloved coffee would have to wait until her stomach settled.

As she walked to the kitchen she thought about last night. Had she really told Emma about how she lost her virginity? Stupid, stupid, stupid! They were finally getting along so well and Emma had become such a rock for her to lean on, what if she had scared her off by being too graphic and by painting Emma's grandfather in such unfavourable light?

She gritted her teeth and thought of ways she could try to sweep last night's confession under the rug. She couldn't push Emma away, being in the blonde's presence felt so natural and safe to her now.

She opened the fridge to get the milk out and felt her acid-filled stomach ache again. Perhaps that would be a good distraction for the ever hungry Miss Swan; food. She'd bake something for Emma and when she dropped the baked goods off, she'd fill that pretty blonde head with small talk, that way they could forget about last night. It would be as if nothing had happened.

* * *

Emma woke up and noticed that she was still seething. Before sleeping she had punished her punching bag so violently that her hands had bruised and her knuckles cracked and yet… she couldn't get over the injustice of what she heard last night.

During their weekly drinking sessions, Regina had let spill details of her life and from what Emma could piece together one thing seemed to be clear - after Daniel died everything went to hell in Regina's life. Brick after brick was built in a huge wall of misery boxing the young woman in. No wonder she had gone insane and become the Evil Queen.

The darkness in Emma screamed for violence and fire. Find a way to go back in time and kill her own grandfather, kill Cora, kill Rumplestiltskin… Kill. Them. All

She took a deep breath and reminded herself that she was  _Emma Swan_. Daughter of Snow White and Prince Charming. She had a son named Henry. She grew up in foster care. She loved bear claws. She was not just an ancient, cruel power attached to a dagger.

She took another deep breath. The unbearable wish to slaughter, to rip out hearts and lay waste to whole continents slowly dissipated. Still, that sense of being above things like morality and other's lives simmered in the back of her mind. Hopefully no one would piss her off today or they'd end up with her bruised fists punching them senseless. Or worse.

She got dressed and made her way down to Gold's pawnshop. The former Dark One was no longer in a coma and was now busy running his shop and trying to make up for all his bad deeds, especially towards Belle.

The chiming of the bell over the door could be heard as Emma stepped in.

Gold looked up from a catalogue spread out on the counter next to the till. "Oh, no you don't!"

Emma looked offended. "What? I came through the door and not by poofing here this time. What else could you want?"

"Nothing to do with you! Don't forget, I've felt what you are feeling and I know that even if you think you can control the darkness… it will soon control you. And when it does, I want you nowhere near me."

Emma curled her upper lip in disdain at him and approached the counter with clomping, angry steps.

"Cut the crap, Gold! I'm not in a mood today. Did you get anywhere with your tests on my hair? Do you know more about my new powers?"

He surveyed her as if wondering if there was a point in arguing and trying to keep her away. He clearly decided that there wasn't as he sighed and then answered her.

"Yes and no. I have unearthed some facts but I have a feeling we have much more to learn about your new abilities."

"Okay. Well, what about the facts you did figure out. Did anything come up about me maybe being able to time travel?"

Gold raised his eyebrows. "I'm surprised to see you so interested in that. When I first mentioned it you seemed to agree with your mother that it was too dangerous and complicated?"

"Well, yeah. I've time travelled before, remember? Bringing Marian, well Zelena, back wasn't my most shining moment. But I…. kinda want a chance to go back and fix a minor detail. A detail which won't mean anything for history but might mean a lot to one person."

Gold shook his head and when he spoke his voice sounded authoritative and lecturing. "Miss Swan, as you just pointed out – time travel only causes trouble. I've been tempted by it myself but now that the darkness isn't clouding my mind I  _know_  that it would never be worth the complications that could come from it."

That was it. Emma's patience ran out like the last grains of sand in an hour glass. She sprinted forwards, jumping over the counter as she did, and pushed Gold towards the wall behind him. As her hand gripped his throat and held him in place, she could feel his pulse beat faster and faster. She moved her face close to his and spoke in an angry hiss.

"SERIOUSLY? You are going to keep babbling on about what you  _know_  and what you  _think_?! Trying to tell ME that I don't know my own mind because darkness is freaking clouding it? Why the hell would I care about what you say? You are not the Dark One anymore, you are  _nothing_! I am the Saviour and I am the Dark One… if I wish to goddamn time travel you will tell me how and then get the hell out of my way!"

Gold's hands pointlessly clawed at Emma's on his neck but her strength was way beyond him. "Now now, don't let the darkness get the better of you, Miss Swan. Just imagine what Henry would say if you hurt his grandfather," Gold managed to croak out.

That worked of course. For Emma, Henry overshadowed not only her own wishes but those of the darkness. After a few moments struggle with her demons, she shook her head as to clear it and slowly let go of Gold's throat.

She didn't apologize. She knew she didn't have to. He knew what had happened and what she had felt. She didn't face him as she spoke though, but looked at her feet as her deflated but stubborn voice resounded in the quiet shop.

"I… I need to travel in time and fix this one little detail. I just need to make someone feel better, it shouldn't change the timeline. Anyway, it doesn't matter – I  _have_  to do this. Whether you help me or not, I'm gonna do it somehow."

Gold nodded. "I can see that. I suppose I might as well help you then. Anything to keep you from attacking me again, you nearly shattered the glass on my faux Rembrandt here." He pointed to the picture next to him which was hanging precariously on its nail now.

Emma didn't laugh at his little joke. She was too appalled at herself and the realisation that she could have killed him. That she had  _wanted so desperately_  to kill him. And for what? Standing in her way? Annoying her?

Gold cleared his throat. "I see that we are done with the chit-chat for the day. Come with me to the back and I'll show you what I've learned. Let me just fetch Belle and ask her to man the store."

Gold picked up his cane which had fallen to the floor by his feet and walked off to ask Belle if she would cover for him. Emma stumbled in to the back room, dazed by the wish to kill which was still thrumming faintly in her veins.

* * *

A little more than 10 minutes later Emma left the shop, squinting in the bright light and feeling the brisk air on the pale, sensitive skin on her face. She walked around the corner and stood in wait.

After a few seconds she could see a woman in black, tight jeans and a charcoal turtleneck and high-heeled black boots walking towards Gold's pawnshop in fast, impatient steps. It was herself she was looking at, but herself from about fifteen minutes ago, she was just now arriving at Gold's shop to ask him if he had made any progress.

In the back room, Gold had showed her what books and scrolls he had on magicians who time travelled without using potions, talismans or any other outer means. It hadn't been much and most of it had been mumbo jumbo but there had been a scroll talking about an ancient Dark One who could time travel. Apparently he had merely thought of a certain point in time and then imagined himself there and... bingo… there he was. Well, it was worded a lot more scientifically and intricately than that, but that was the core of it and it was what Emma had just tried, and to her amazement it had worked!

She watched herself walk into the shop and allowed herself a fast, discreet fist pump into the air at her own success. Then she closed her eyes and imagined herself back at Gold's shop in real time.

Gold stood looking at her with his hands resting on his cane. "So?"

Emma grinned. "It worked. I can actually travel in time!"

Gold looked troubled. "Good for you. Possibly dangerous for everyone else, though."

"Oh come on! I'll be sensible and I won't abuse my power!"

"You might not, Miss Swan, but the darkness might," Gold replied grimly.

Emma felt the bile of anger rising in her throat and her hands longed to close over his scrawny neck once more. She swallowed her impulses and forced herself to smile and speak normally.

"Stop being such a wet blanket, Gold. I'm going to go tell Regina about this."

Gold quirked an eyebrow. "Go back in time and arrive at her mansion before sunrise, perhaps you can catch her getting dressed."

Emma looked confused. "Excuse me?"

What could have been a smile ghosted at Gold's lips but it vanished soon. "Nothing. Do go and tell you friend the good news and ignore an old man. Just… be careful when you time travel, Miss Swan. I would hate for you to hurt someone by altering time, especially if that someone is me."

Emma glared at him. "Shut up and go relieve Belle, she has a library to run." Then she poofed out of the shop and onto the porch of 108 Mifflin Street in a cloud of silvery mist.

Excited and really in the mood to see Regina, she rang the doorbell. After a few moments Regina opened the door and Emma couldn't help but smile at what she saw. The Mayor was wearing a navy blue dress and it had bits of what must be flour on it and her olive skin was crimson on her beautiful cheeks. The contrast between the daunting woman in her perfect and expensive dress and the stains of flour and the reddened cheeks, most likely due to exertion, was Regina all over. The dangerous Mayor and former Evil Queen who baked, gardened and read comics with her son.  _Their son_ , Emma corrected herself with pride.

"Regina! I can do it! I can _actually_ time travel."

Regina quirked an eyebrow and wiped her hands on a kitchen towel she had carried in one hand. "Marvellous. Then come back in seven minutes when the apple and cherry Danishes will be done."


	3. Fighting fire with fire

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Author's note: I'm sorry, there is some angst coming up. (Keep in mind that I only write happy endings.)

Regina stepped aside and watched Emma walk into the lounge. The way Emma walked was different than before she became the Dark One, but Regina realised that she liked it. She had enjoyed Emma's sweet and relaxed swagger but the more measured and slow gait of the Dark One suited her. It gave extra spice.

It wasn't the only thing that was different now. Aside from her appearance and way of moving, there was also the voice. Regina knew that as Emma struggled to contain her dark side she tried to still sound like her old self, but sometimes her voice would creep back into that quiet, higher pitched voice she had when she was in full dark splendour. Whenever it happened, Regina would feel the little hairs on her arms and neck stand up and she wasn't sure that it was due to discomfort. In fact, she was  _sure_ that it  _wasn't._

Emma Swan had been an adorable creature, if somewhat annoying, and the new Dark One had been daunting and mesmerizing… but what Emma was now… this mix between the great, ageless creature and the sweet and strong woman – it was enthralling to behold.

Regina chased the unwelcome thoughts away. Emma was her friend. It wouldn't do to think of her like this. Especially not today when there was so much unsaid still lingering in the air.

Emma sat down on the sofa, perching on the edge of it and looking wholly uncomfortable. There was an air of general discomfort in the room. They both had their reasons to feel tense and unsure of each other. Emma felt like there was a powder keg between them and what she was about to say might just be a lit match.

"Regina… I…." she trailed off.

Regina crossed her arms over her chest and took a stab at what Emma was trying, but failing, to say.

"You can time travel, yes. Are you going to bring back any more of my former victims who then turn out to be my sister in disguise?"

Emma's head snapped up and there was a snarl at her pale pink lips.

_That was too much_ , Regina rebuked herself.  _You are meant to seem disinterested in her and her time traveling, not provoke or hurt her. Just relax and try to keep from making this any stranger then it has to be._

She cleared her throat. "I apologize, Emma. That was uncalled for. I suppose my habit of biting comments got the best of me."

Emma sighed and looked down at the floor as she mumbled a reply. "Yeah, it's fine. Gold already gave me the lecture on changing the past. Don't worry, if I do travel in time I won't change anything huge. I just want to go back and… soften a blow."

Regina felt every muscle in her body tense. Surely Emma wasn't referring to her first night with Leopold?

"Pardon," she asked tersely and just barely managed to keep a tremble out of her voice.

"Regina. I can't keep him from marrying you. Or from… doing what he is going to do. Or... um... I mean what he already did. Whatever." She shook her head at the confusion of time travel before she continued.

"Things have to happen the way they did, you have to be hurt and messed with. Otherwise you won't become the Evil Queen, I won't be sent here, you won't adopt Henry and god knows what consequences that might have. We could all end up dead or stuck in whatever world Rumpelstiltskin curses us too instead. I- I can't save you from it. But I can make sure that the first time someone  _touches_  you… it's with kindness."

Regina swallowed hard. She knew that Emma didn't care for her in a romantic way. How could she? You just had to look at their pasts, look at how Emma was the golden saviour and she was a mass murderer and then there was the fact that she was a woman. She could never have Emma's love. This… this was Emma's savour complex mixed with… pity. Emma was offering to do something sexual, which she herself wouldn't enjoy, to spare her friend a painful and frightening first sexual encounter.

The thrum of her blood was suddenly loud in her ears and she clenched her hands into fists. This was pity!? Regina Mills was not to be pitied! Nor made love to out of  _sympathy_. Who did Emma think she was? And why did she think Regina would even say yes?

Regina tried to keep her calm as she growled, "what exactly are you suggesting?"

Emma still looked down at the floor and felt her heart beat like it was possessed. This was so embarrassing and strange.

"I suppose I want you to teach me how to glamour myself into looking like a young man. A young man that you could… desire."

A muscle in Regina's temple twitched. "You want me to disguise you as a man so that you can go back in time and…"

Emma looked at a point just above Regina's head. "… be  _your first_ , yeah. So that you don't have to lose your virginity in such a horrible way."

Regina tried to keep her anger contained but she felt her hands burns with the magic trying to escape from her, her palms seems to heat with the wish to contain fireballs. She wanted to scream, but she didn't. She tried to calm herself and ask the right questions before she blew up.

"Emma. Do you feel that you have to correct that particular night because he was your flesh and blood. Some sort of family honour thing?"

Emma glowered at her. "No, I feel like I have to correct it because it is the right thing to do."

_The right thing to do._  The words echoed in Regina's mind, taunting her and piercing her heart. This was not what Emma wanted to do, just  _the right thing to do._ That confirmed it to Regina. Emma was doing this out of pity. She never should have let her guard down and told the blonde her secret wish.

Regina moved closer to Emma and spoke through gritted teeth. "I see. And is that the only solution you can find? That you have to do the dirty work yourself?"

Emma looked confused. She knew that it was a strange situation and that it wasn't optimal. But Regina's anger seemed disproportional. Did she think that Emma wanted to take advantage of her or something? Why was Regina looking so furious when she was only trying to help? She felt her temper rise.

"What? You don't think I'd make sure you lost your virginity to Daniel if I could?! You know he has to die the way he did and it has to be horrible and it has to break your beautiful, resilient heart. It kills me Regina… but I can't frickin' save you!"

Regina's rage and shame burned in her chest and the words flew out of her mouth on their own accord. "So, you're going to bed me instead? You're going to do the next best thing and valiantly deflower the despicable Evil Queen? How unselfish of you! What an angel our Dark Saviour is!"

Emma felt her own pent up rage and darkness steer her mouth. "What the hell are you saying? Are you hinting that I'm trying to use you? That I just want to get between your legs?"

"No! I'm saying outright that you have some nerve thinking that I will thank you for deigning to sleep with me. Like I'm some pitiful, weak creature you can save by  _screwing_! What makes you think that I want you anyway?"

Emma stood up from the sofa and shouted at the brunette who wasn't more than a few inches away by now. "Jesus Regina! That is not what this is! I'm trying to help!"

"Yes well, I didn't ask you to help me, Emma. I've had enough of this conversation. Please leave my home immediately!"

Emma felt the dark voices in her head scream and she knew that no calming techniques would quiet them now. "What? YOU can't just decide that we can't talk about this. You have to listen to ME!"

Regina's cheeks felt flushed with anger and humiliation. "I do not have to do anything…  _Miss Swan_. Now leave of my house before I remove you with magic!"

"Fine!" Emma magically ripped off Regina's front door and stormed out. As she walked, a trail of fire and ash followed in her footsteps and melted the floor and then the stones and pavement outside.

With an angry wave of her hand, Regina replaced the door with a loud bang and smoothed down her damaged flooring, extinguishing the little flames that the Dark One had left in her wake.

She began to pace back and forth for a while, replaying the disastrous conversation in her mind. She knew she had overreacted but she couldn't see a way to feel differently about what Emma suggested. It was humiliating and she couldn't understand what Emma was thinking. As the treacherous thought that she might have known if she had let Emma speak entered her mind, she ran over to the oven, plucked out the nearly burned Danishes and flung them towards the kitchen bin. The pastries fell to the floor or stuck to the wall behind the bin and the baking tray hit the top of the bin with an infernal clank.

Regina sunk to her knees on the floor and with a pained sob realised that what she had been trying to hide from herself for the last few months; she was painfully and helplessly in love with Emma Swan.


	4. Vodka and ice

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Author's note: Bonus points for anyone who recognizes what book Archie was reading. Tip: it has a bird in the title.

Emma swirled the clear liquid in her glass so that it made the melting ice cubes click against each other. She was sitting by the bar in The Rabbit Hole and was trying very hard to be drunk, not an easy task considering how much work it took to stay ahead of the healing properties that came with being the Dark One.

She swallowed down another big gulp of the chilled vodka and felt it sting as it hit her stomach. She had to stay drunk. If she was sober she would hear the dark voices again and she was too tired to fight anymore.

She moved the glass again to make the ice cubes collide. Ice cubes. That had been a dumb idea. When she left Regina's she knew that she had to do something violent quickly or she would end up burning the whole town down. Hell, maybe even the whole of Maine.

She saw the fire that her steps left behind her and as she extinguished it with icy water, created by a swift hand movement, she remembered what Archie had said about ice cubes in their last therapy session.

"You know, Emma. I've been reading this book. It's fiction but there is a counsellor in it who tells this boy about a good way to deal with his negative feelings. She tells him to throw ice cubes at a tree. Have you tried that?"

Emma had just stared at him blankly. The all-consuming dark voices and wishes, which felt so very much like her own that she had a hard time remembering what was her own motives and what was those of the Dark One, those voices talked about maiming her enemies. Those voices talked about cutting off the hands of anyone who had ever touched her when she hadn't wanted them too. What the hell could ice cubes against a tree do against impulses like those?

Still. She had been so desperate for something to do when she left 108 Mifflin Street that she tried it. Standing in the woods she threw around magically crafted ice cubes, then big chunks of ice and then finally she noticed that she was subconsciously creating humanoid figures of ice and just madly hacking at them with a sword made of denser ice. There was the woman who had made her life hell back in prison, there was the foster dad who told her she'd never amount to anything, there was chernabog that had come for her and Regina, there was her grandfather who hadn't realised that his young wife didn't want him.

She struck all the ice figures to little shards and kept hitting until there was nothing left and yet… her anger didn't seem to dissipate. It grew and grew until it felt like a creature in its own right. It grew until it felt less like anger and more like helplessness and confusion and sadness. Until she subconsciously created another ice figure and was just about to smash it with her sword before she realised who it was.

It was Regina. Her conflicted mind and her mixed feelings had created a perfect likeness of Regina. The statue was so detailed that Emma had to stare for a few beats. She could see the woman's outfit perfectly, those black suit trousers which fitted Regina so well and that tight purple sweater which always looked so soft. Regina's face was in perfect detail too, even down to that pretty little scar on her lip.

Emma had stared at the figure and given a loud sob. A sob which then turned into a wail. She didn't know what she was feeling. Her own emotions were laced with the hate, fear and bitterness that came from a full outburst of darkness. Everything felt so wrong and so painful and Emma dropped the ice sword and put her arms around her torso to comfort herself. As her eyes filled with angry tears she looked at the statue in front of her and with an aching heart she realised that she wished the real Regina was here. That the real Regina would say it was okay, that she wasn't angry, that Emma hadn't messed it all up and most of all… that she would hold her.

Emma had never really hugged Regina but she had shared the odd touch with the brunette and it had been enough for her to know that despite her own aversion to being touched, she wanted a long and warm hug from the woman who most people feared. She wanted the sort of hug that Regina gave Henry, full of unconditional love and comfort.

She began to truly cry and that finally seemed to dampen her rage. She let it all come out and when she was finally too exhausted to cry anymore, she cleaned herself up with magic and poofed her way to The Rabbit Hole.

And that was where she was now. Drowning the dark voices in her head and the pain in her heart. She had lost count of how many vodkas she had drunk but she knew that the bartender wasn't going to cut her off. She was the Dark One and she could drink this place dry if she wished. The only one who could stop her was a certain dark-haired woman who was probably avoiding her, who probably never wanted to see her again.

Emma took a large gulp and got hold of one of the nearly melted ice cubes. She crunched it violently between her teeth and felt a rush of self-loathing. Why did she always have to mess things up with Regina? Why did she always say the wrong thing and have such bad timing? She emptied the tumbler and signalled the bartender for a refill.

As he poured, he looked at her with a judging look. She stared back and as he saw straight into her strange dark eyes he backed off. Drinking alone was easier these days, very few people wanted to sit with her and especially not when she gave off this shove-off-vibe. But right now, Emma wanted company.  _Her_  company. She wanted to drink with Regina and see how those stunning, brown eyes went misty as the Mayor had one too many. She wanted to tell her about what horrors the voices in her head were saying, like she had when Regina used to help her calm down when the Dark One curse had just taken her. They had been so close then, so relaxed and soothed by the other's presence.

Emma drained half the clear liquid in one go and felt it calm her. Still… she felt like it was all so pointless. She got it wrong no matter what she did. She just wanted to help that young woman, the one who would have to face her wedding night with fear. She wanted that woman to know what lovemaking could really be, so that she didn't think that it had to be pain and fear. She wanted to spare Regina that one moment of humiliation and anxiety as she couldn't do anything more for her. That's what she wanted to explain to Regina. It wasn't because she pitied Regina or because she assumed that a night with her would solve all of Regina's problems or anything like that. She just wanted to give that grieving young woman the chance to have some more beauty before the rest of the ugliness came down on her.

Emma wished for the millionth time that she wasn't the Dark One. She could have understood Regina's point of view better and spoken to her without losing her temper if she had only been herself.

She drank down the last of the sharp, crisp vodka in her glass. Thoughts mingled in her head. Thoughts about what that young Regina would be like, going on descriptions from her mother and Gold, were mixing with drunken thoughts about how much she wanted to talk to Regina. Suddenly the world went hazy for a moment and Emma wondered if she had finally managed to drink herself unconscious. When she shook her head to clear it and opened her eyes she realised that she wasn't in The Rabbit Hole anymore. She was on a balcony of some kind. She looked down and saw a stone courtyard of what looked like… a castle?

A voice suddenly rang out from behind her. "And who exactly are  _you_? And what are you doing here?"

The voice was very familiar but it was higher than Emma was used to hearing it, it sounded more innocent and… obviously younger. Obviously younger because when Emma turned she saw that the person who was staring at her with equal amounts of anger and surprise, was a young Regina Mills.


	5. A conversation in the past

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Author's note: Trigger warning for mentions of past parental abuse. (Damn Cora!)

Emma just stared. This was so surreal. Yes, the woman in front of her was no doubt Regina. But she looked so different! Her skin looked youthfully radiant and her face seemed a little fuller in the cheeks. Her hair fell in long, ebony waves over her shoulders and she was wearing a white dress, perhaps a night gown, which looked far too cute and romantic to be something that modern day Regina would wear. However, when Emma's eyes locked gaze with chocolate-brown ones she saw  _her Regina_. Suspicious, clever eyes with so much beauty and charm hidden behind a defensive wall looked back at her.

Emma couldn't help but smile as she realised something important. As stunning as this young woman was… it was nothing compared to how beautiful she would one day become. Emma far preferred  _her Regina_. She was more evocative and experienced and she had those faint sexy lines by her eyes. Emma had never understood society's fascination with youth. She had always preferred older lovers, whether they be men or women.

Suddenly a thought hit her. Had modern-day Regina caught on to that she was bisexual? Surely she must have after Emma's jokes about being a breast man the second time they got drunk together… but then… these fairytale people weren't always that quick on the uptake.

"Hello? Are you listening to me? I am giving you precisely 10 seconds to explain your presence here and then I am calling the guards!"

Regina's words brought Emma back to her current predicament.

"No! No, don't do that. I'm… I'm… from your future."

Emma saw Regina cross her arms over her chest and do that infuriating but painfully sexy eyebrow quirk. "Excuse me?"

Emma held out her pale, glittering hands in a placating gesture. "It's complicated. I came here by magic, time traveling from your future and I… just wanted to talk to you. No one is going to hurt you."

Those suspicious young eyes lit up with excitement. "I knew it! I knew you couldn't have climbed up here! You can do magic!"

Emma had to smile at her exuberance, it was so strange to see Regina so innocent and so excited.

Regina seemed to force some dignity back into her posture and speech. "I am learning magic too, Rumpelstiltskin is teaching me. Magic is going to help me be free."

Emma felt a knot in her stomach as her mind played out everything that was going to happen to Regina in the next few decades, there wasn't going to be much freedom for anyone involved. She suddenly felt her thoughts growing fuzzy because of the alcohol that her body was slowly but deftly breaking down and processing. She felt unsteady.

"I'm going to have to sit down. Can I sit down somewhere, Regina?"

The young woman bit her lower lip and looked like she was pondering whether or not to agree. Then she sighed and indicating the room behind her with a gesture.

"Yes you may. There is a chair by my vanity."

Emma blinked a few times and stretched her neck before walking inside and locating the chair. Regina walked past her, as graceful and elegant as she was in Emma's time, and sat down on her bed.

Emma looked at the woman on the single bed with its white, lacy sheets. Two nights. Two nights before Regina had to climb into her marital bed. Emma felt her rage bubble up again and quickly thought about something else.

"So, Regina. You know the Dark One? Well, I mean Rumplestiltskin, the Dark One of  _your_ time."

Regina tilted her head to look at Emma inquisitively. "The Dark One is not always the same?"

Emma gave a mirthless laugh. "No. No, in my time the Dark One looks like this." She waved a hand over her body.

Regina's eyes grew big and half a heartbeat later they turned suspicious.

"You mean to tell me that  _you_  are the Dark One? But you are inebriated. And polite. And young. And a woman. And… well… pretty."

Emma felt a pathetic tingle of pride at the last comment and had to keep herself from giving a happy little smile.

"Thank you. I'm glad you don't find me scary." Emma sat back in the chair and ran her hand over her near-white hair in a tired gesture.

Regina scoffed. "You are about as frightening as a mouse."

Emma looked up at the young woman and couldn't help but let her ire show on her face. A mist of silvery magic escaped from her hands. If there was one thing that Emma had learned about the curse of the Dark One, it was that it did not like to be underestimated, no matter what body it was inhabiting.

In an eerie, high and somehow extra resounding voice Emma whispered, "careful, my little beauty. My teeth are sharper than they look."

Regina flinched a little but unlike others she didn't move away or lapse into terrified apologies. She merely gave a flirty little smile and mumbled, "alright, perhaps  _a little bit_  frightening."

Emma grinned wolfishly. The magic that had escaped from her hands had formed little crystals on the floor beneath her. They looked like tiny diamonds in the faint moonlight. To Emma's surprise, Regina rose from the bed and walked over. She kneeled, ladylike in her cumbersome night dress, and picked one up. Still kneeling on the floor she examined the glittering crystal held between her elegant fingers.

Emma felt an unwelcome surge of arousal. Regina was so beautiful and so captivating in her innocence and she was  _right there_. Right in front of her. On her knees. With her full lips slightly parted as she watched the crystal catch the faint moonlight and glimmer just as her enchanting brown eyes did.

That was when it hit Emma. Regina was so vulnerable. She was still grieving for Daniel and she was obviously anxious about the future that her mother and husband-to-be was crowbarring her into. Most of all, Regina was  _so young_. Emma suddenly felt panicked. She couldn't sleep with this version of Regina! It was immoral and probably illegal! Well, at least in their world. That settled it, she couldn't go through with this. There was no way. She would stay and speak to the girl, keep her company and ease her fears if she could but she wouldn't touch the young woman.

Regina let the crystal drop back on the floor and returned her attention to Emma. "So, were you sent here by the future me to get me out of the castle?"

Emma grimaced as if she had eaten something sour. "No, Kid. I'm afraid not."

SMACK. Regina had reached out and slapped Emma's hand.

"I suggest you do not call me that. I am woman bled and soon wed!"

Even the Dark voices in Emma's mind couldn't take offense at the ridiculous slap. She smiled and tried very hard not to laugh at the petulant young woman who had just lost her temper to the degree where she had slapped  _the Dark One_  for calling her a kid. It was hard to say if Regina was courageous or reckless. Emma thought back to herself at that age and realised that it was probably a combination of both. She could see a lot of herself in this young woman.

Regina walked back to her bed and primly sat down on the edge of it. "If you are not here to help me, why are you here?"

Emma considered her options and realised that this woman's life was about to be filled with manipulation and distrust. It felt right for Emma to just be honest and forthright with the unwilling future Queen.

"Well, um, the adult you kind of admitted to me that you didn't have a great experience on the first night with your husband."

Emma saw Regina's face fall and little worry lines formed on the young woman's forehead.

"Oh, hey, look… now that I'm here we can talk about ways to make sure it's not so bad. I've… well, done it quite a few times and I can give you some suggestions on how to make it better. I mean, I wish I could just make you not have to sleep with someone you don't want to, but we can't change the timeline too much. It could end up hurting you even worse," Emma finished weakly. She was pushing the thoughts about killing her own grandfather out of her mind with as much force as she could.

Regina looked confused. "You came here to teach me how to pleasure a man? My mother has already taught me the groundworks and she says my husband will teach me the rest."

Emma balled her hands into fists and growled, "oh, I  _bet_  she has."

Regina looked taken a back at Emma's sudden fury.

"Sorry. Your mother and I don't really see things the same way."

Regina clasped her hands in her lap. "You know her?"

"Let's just say that I've run in to Cora a couple of times, yeah. And you've told me everything she's done to you."

Regina suddenly blushed crimson, but her voice sounded unwavering and almost austere as she asked "even about the restraining?"

"You mean with the branches? Yeah. The slapping you around, too. I'm really sorry, you didn't deserve any of that. You don't deserve any of this horrible crap. I wish I could just take you away from it all. You deserve so much better."

Regina looked like she was about to argue but then she closed her mouth and collected her features into an impassive look.

"I am still confused to why exactly you came here," she said while staring Emma straight in the eye.

Emma felt really uncomfortable but she still had the feeling that truth was her best option, she owed Regina that much at least since she couldn't help her.

"My first idea was to come here and kinda… help you. But the future you and, well, seeing you in person, has changed my mind on that."

Regina frowned. "Help me how?"

"I was going to disguise myself as guy, an attractive guy, and try and seduce you. To make sure that your first time with a lover was a nice one. That way you'd know that sex can be the most beautiful and wonderful thing in the world. I thought it could give you a nice memory to make you able to put up with the shitty things that are going to happen."

Regina looked flabbergasted. "You… came to deflower me?"

Emma groaned. "God, don't say it like that... I sound like such a perv!"

Regina held up her hands. "Alright, let us put that aside for the moment. What do you mean that  _'shitty things'_  are about to happen to me?"

Emma groaned again. She had to learn to keep her mouth shut or she was going to wreck the entire timeline without even doing anything!

She did some fast thinking. "I just meant that you didn't want to get married and you didn't want to live without Daniel, you know? I can't talk anymore about that," Emma said in a definite tone.

Regina nodded matter-of-factly. "I see. Let us go back to you claiming my maidenhood then."

Emma made a noise like a dying animal and bent over and put her head in her hands. She cursed herself into her pale hands and realised that she was stone cold sober now and that she desperately wished she wasn't.

Regina was relentless as always. "Did the future me send you here to do this?"

Emma took a deep breath, looked up and gave a little chuckle.

"Nope. In fact, we... argued about it. You thought that I was doing this because I was trying to be nice or honourable or something. But the truth is that this was just as much for me," Emma said and realised that her words were true.

It felt so easy to be brutally honest now. The night was so silent and it was so otherworldly to be here in this cold castle in another realm and another time. Emma felt like she could say things that she normally wouldn't. That was why she continued speaking, letting the words flow over her lips without filtering them.

"It was as much for my sake because I can't stand the idea that the first person to get to do something so important with you… didn't deserve the honour. I wanted to try and deserve it. I know I could! Because I…well, I love you. Well, the future you. I respect you and I desire you. And I… I know you, the real you. You are the most complex creature in the whole damn world. You are dark and light combined in one. You are the most beautiful person to ever exist in any realm, both by appearance and the beauty of your heart. You're everything, Regina. And I can never tell you because… because you think I'm some kind of silly puppy. You tolerate me but you could never… love me. So, I'm your friend and that is fine. I'll never ask you for more."

Emma stopped and sighed deeply. She swallowed and realised that she was choking up a little. She had never dared to be this honest about her feelings for her best friend, not even to herself.

"But Regina… I can't let this happen. In two nights my grandfather is doing to come to your bed and he's gonna hurt you and make you frightened and that can't be all you know about physical love."

Regina stood up wordlessly and walked over to kneel by Emma's feet again. A couple of tears were trickling down Emma's cheeks now and she knew that her eyes and nose must be turning red. Still, she was just grateful that she had kept the sobs at bay. She had to say all of this.

"I wanted give you something to cling to. A good memory. You know… like you had with Daniel. Something to keep you going when times get dark. I just want to make you feel like the queen of a woman that you are. Just once. Before he makes you  _his Queen_  and treats you so badly. Just one night. I was going to try to magic myself into someone you liked looking at. Some cute guy. You like strong, tall men with dark blonde hair, right? I think you said that once. I don't really know how to glamour though so I don't know how I thought I was gonna achieve that. I'm sorry, I'm rambling."

A hesitant hand was placed on Emma's. The touch felt electric and when Regina spoke she sounded startled. "I don't know if I want you to… be my first. But I do know that I do not want you to disguise yourself as a young man. That would only remind me of Daniel. I am certain that I would end up compare the hands, the mouth, and even the chest to his and end up sad."

Emma felt emotionally drained and tried to realign her thoughts in her weary mind. "Are you saying you would want me to disguise myself as an old guy?"

Regina scoffed irritably and removed her hand. "Oh, don't be absurd. That will just remind me of Leopold, you idiot."

Emma almost smiled -there was the Regina that she knew. She shrugged, completely at a loss. "So what then?"

Regina sat down more comfortably on the floor and hesitated before speaking. "Well, the Dark One - I mean the Dark One in my time - is so very … powerful and impressive."

Emma grimaced. "You want me to look like Rumplestiltskin?"

"No! Of course not! You would not need to. You are the same kind of powerful creature and you look it. Just… in a much more appealing package." Regina reached out her hand again and let her fingertips quickly brush the back of Emma's hand.

Emma looked down at it and saw it glitter in the moonlight. She thought back to her Regina's words in Granny's diner  _'you look more like you are covered in sugar'._  She could see what the brunette had meant now. Emma looked up and gazed into Regina's eyes. Those eyes looked so much more open, so much more energetic then modern day Regina's. Those eyes looked  _interested in what they saw when they looked at her_.

Suddenly Emma could imagine what she looked like to this version of Regina. An exotic, powerful older woman with intense eyes and strange skin. A sense of abnormality and danger in her voice and movements. The Dark One. The most powerful magic…. well, after love at least... Was this what could excite this Regina? Could she be what Regina wanted tonight? What she needed? Those eager brown eyes said that she could be. What could she do for this extraordinary woman?

Emma wanted to look closer into those incredible eyes and so she leaned over until her face was mere inches away from Regina's. A quick frightened but excited smile played at the brunette's lips and before Emma knew what was happening… Regina had launched forwards and placed her soft lips against Emma's.

It felt so good. And so right. Regina was eagerly kissing her and trying to squeeze her warm tongue in between Emma's lips. Emma realised that while Regina had never made love, she certainly had kissed before and clearly, she was a fan of the practice. Emma gave in and parted her lips and then Regina's tongue was inside her, seeking out her own and caressing it.

Emma felt her heart miss a beat and suddenly everything but Regina seemed to grow hazy. Everything in Emma screamed to continue this. To kiss more. To begin to touch. To have more of the most wonderful person she had ever known. Thoughts were growing hazy and her body was taking over. She felt her Dark impulses rejoice and that was her first warning that something was wrong. The second one came when she began to kiss Regina's neck and she heard a high-pitched girlish giggle.

She froze mid-motion. That giggle wasn't her Regina. That giggle was the giggle of a young woman and it suddenly didn't feel so clear-cut that this was right anymore. Regina was still so young and vulnerable and Emma had sword that she wouldn't touch her! Disgusted at herself Emma quickly stood up and stepped away from Regina.

Breathlessly she tried to explain why she had to leave. "This isn't right. I'm worried I might be taking advantage of you. You're so young and still so sad and scared and I… I'm afraid I'm just doing this because I want you so damn much. I can't hurt you, Regina. I just can't. I've got to go."

"No, wait! I want…," Regina began.

But Emma didn't hear the rest as she had started to gather her powers and think about her own time. She focused on the one place she tended to go when everything was confusing and wrong. She thought about her beloved Bug. Soon she was sitting behind the seat and realising that the Dark voices inside her were furious at her. They were shouting that she was weak and stupid. That she should go back and take that girl until sunrise.

Clasping the wheel tightly Emma screamed. She screamed out her hate for her darkness, she screamed out her helplessness at being in love with a woman who was so out of her reach and he screamed at the injustice of her not being able to save the woman she loved from decades of misery. Sitting in the Bug in the outskirts of the Storybrooke woods, she screamed until her voice broke and it turned into a sob.


	6. Clearing up some facts

Emma's breathing finally calmed back to normal and she mumbled curses about how she was the Dark One and crying was beneath her as she tried to pull herself back together.

Well, there was another drunken confession for the books. Had she really told the younger version of Regina that she loved her? Yep. She had been that dumb. Damn. Would modern day Regina remember it?

Emma took a few calming breaths and opened the glove box to get out a bag of peanuts she had in there for emergencies. She threw a handful into her mouth and tried to not think about this mess until her heartbeat had calmed down completely. That was when it happened; the beeping which meant that she had a text. She picked up her cell from her pocket and saw the message come up.

_You idiot! Come to my house immediately. R._

Emma's heart stopped for a moment. Yeah, Regina remembered that night alright. She swallowed down the peanuts in a gulp which almost made her cough and started to drive towards 108 Mifflin Street.

As she got out of the car and walked towards the front door she kept thinking that time travel sucked and that she was never going to do it again. Her brain was swimming with questions. How long had Regina known? Why hadn't they spoken about this before? Was Regina pissed off because she had changed time or because they had kissed or because of Emma's speech about loving her?

As Emma got to the door it was opened and Regina, standing statuesque inside the doorframe, glared at her. That low, rich voice was laced with poison as she spoke.

"Well, come on in then, oh  _Dark One._ I am most certainly not having this discussion on my porch."

Emma swallowed thickly. She wanted to blame it on having those peanuts without a drink, but she knew it was pure fear, something which she shouldn't feel as the Dark One. But with Regina? Right here and now? She was terrified.

"Regina. Before you start ripping my head off, can I have something to drink?"

Regina looked put out but nodded tersely. "If you must. Water, coffee, tea, hot chocolate, juice?"

Without thinking Emma replied, "got anything stronger?"

They both looked at each other and had to give a faint smile at that. Apparently they both remembered that first time they met and Emma said the exact same words when offered some cider. However, was that still the first time they had met? Or was that now a late night in a castle far away?

"I think you have had enough alcohol for a while, dear. Have some coffee, you'll want a clear mind." Regina sounded less furious now, but still impatient and annoyed.

Emma nodded and followed Regina out to the kitchen. Coffee was already brewed and Emma could see a sleek white mug half-filled with the pitch-black liquid on the counter. Emma surmised that Regina had put on coffee for them both and had some while waiting for Emma to arrive. Little did she know that Emma had needed to go sit in the woods and have a mental breakdown at her own helplessness and the constant demands of her new dark side first.

Regina poured Emma a mug of the hot liquid and went to the fridge to top it off with milk. Emma was glad to know that Regina knew how she took her coffee. She handed Emma the mug and the blonde took a sip of the beverage. Its warmth travelled down her throat and felt comforting and strangely real on such a surreal evening.

When Emma had swallowed she decided to start them off before Regina could begin shouting.

"So, yeah. I met the old you. As I think you kinda remember?"

Regina scoffed incredulously and looked up at the ceiling. "Yes, dear. Yes, I remember. I remember an odd stranger coming to my balcony. She was dressed like you are now and she smelled faintly of vodka like you do now. She sat in my room and made little diamonds litter my floor and she made me think I was about to experience something unique and wonderful. Then she rejected me and rushed off before I could even say goodbye. Yes, I remember."

Emma nearly bit her tongue.  _Shit._

"I'm sorry, Regina. I didn't mean to reject her, I mean you, I just realised that you were right all along…. Making love to you would have been wrong."

Regina looked like she was counting to ten in her head and Emma knew that the Mayor was seething.

"Emma Swan. You are lucky that you are my son's other parent and that I owe you so much for taking the curse of the Dark One for me. Otherwise I would make you fly across the room and land in a little heap on the floor for your stupidity."

Emma groaned. "Regina. That's not fair. This is a really tricky situation and I was trying to do what was best for you."

"Ah. Your usual good intentions. Meanwhile... what you  _did_  was meddle with our timeline. I have been so angry with you for years now! When Henry brought you here to break the curse all my memories were hazy and disjointed. You see, I took a potion after I adopted Henry. A potion to keep me from being anxious about your arrival. That, combined with the large amount of years since I saw you and how different you looked… made me very confused when you showed up at my door." Regina sighed and ran her hand over her smooth, coffee-colored hair before she continued.

"As time passed I began to piece things together and at one point I realised that you would one day travel back in time to my bedchamber and be very sweet but also hurt me very badly by rejecting me. This made me suspicious of you and made me even more certain that you would steal my son during that first hateful year. And so I treated you oddly, blowing hot and cold, just waiting for the day when the other shoe would drop and I would understand what happened that night. Even though I know it all now, I am still confused."

Regina stopped to collect her thoughts and Emma thought about saying something. Something apologetic and sympathetic perhaps. In the end she decided not to though, she wanted Regina to get a chance to get all of this off her chest. After all, she had waited for years to say all of this by now.

Regina cleared her throat and continued. "I assume your declaration of love was only drunken hyperbole so we can forget about that. But I am certain that you did enjoy that kiss, and so that makes me realise that you weren't just offering to bed me out of pity. Part of you must have wanted me and that makes it even sadder that you stopped yourself… because I needed you that night. And knowing that I missed out on my first time being with this interesting magical person just made my first time with Leopold worse, which I realise wasn't your intention. But Emma… time travel is so delicate and not made for your pretty but clumsy little feet to stomp all over. "

Emma felt like she was reeling. She took a large gulp of coffee to have something to do while her mind grasped to find somewhere to start. The Dark voices in her were growing agitated, not happy that she was being so vulnerable and meek. She ignored them as best as she could and took long calming breaths.

Finally she spoke in a quiet voice. "Why… Why didn't you tell me about this before?"

"And muddle the timeline even more? No thank you. I knew I couldn't tell you until the actual moment of your little sojourn in the fabrics of time arrived. That night, when the curse of the Dark One came for me, I knew that somehow it would end up in you, but I didn't know if it would go through me first. You see, that little meeting on one single night didn't give me any answers. Just more questions. But I must say, seeing you take the curse for me was doubly painful now because I knew how tortured you'd be as the Dark One. I remembered that sad, pale woman sitting in a chair in my room."

Emma shrugged and nearly spilled her milky coffee on Regina's immaculate floor. "I was mainly sad for you though. Being the Dark One is horrible, but I know I can handle it as long…. As long as you are with me. As long as you are not angry with me. As long as you're… okay."

Regina's anger seemed to deflate. She took a step closer to Emma with an arm outstretched and looked like she wanted to embrace her, but then she thought better of it and stepped back, letting her arm fall back to her side.

"We need to repair the timeline. You need to go back and make me forget about you. Not about the events of that night necessarily, but I need to forget your features," Regina stated calmly.

"Yeah, I suppose that is true. Is there a way that I can… remind you that it was me though? Like, when I get back from my time travel?"

"Want to take credit for that kiss, do you?" Regina gave a smirk which Emma could feel the way to her toes.

Emma felt herself blush. "Maybe, yeah. It was a damn good one if I say so myself."

Regina gave a low chuckle. "Yes, it was. However I hasten to remind you that it takes two to tango and that I instigated the kiss."

Emma grinned. "Oh, I am definitely giving you credit for your work there, Madam Mayor. I mean, I knew you had a sharp tongue from all of your bitchy comments but who knew it could be so smooth and soft!"

The faintest of blushes crept into Regina's cheeks. "Well now, Miss Swan. That was uncharacteristically suave and cunningly put."

Emma held up her mug as if to toast Regina. "I've learned from the best!"

Some of the tension and anxiety seemed to have left the room and both women relaxed visibly.

Regina looked down at her Jimmy Choo's and tried to find a good way to phrase her request. The truth was that she had come round to the idea of Emma taking her virginity. Not just because it would lift a burden off of her younger self's shoulders but because she wanted to win Emma's love. While Emma had drunkenly sputtered out a confession of love, Regina knew that it was an exaggeration of Emma's feelings. It must be! How could a woman who was so good truly love someone as flawed as her?

But if she could make Emma love the younger version of her, the version who had not killed, maimed and tortured… then maybe she could make Emma see past those things and see that same scared and loving girl in her own form today? She wanted Emma to know her. The real her, before all the madness took over and then left her with a heart full of bitterness and regret.

"Emma," she said.

The other woman started, as if she had also been deep in thought. The thing that Regina didn't know was that the reason Emma jerked so at the sound was that she loved hearing Regina say her name. It made her feel safe, loved and strangely at home. A feeling which she hadn't experienced often in her life.

Emma cleared her throat to make herself focus. "Yes?"

"Was your true reason for leaving me that night that I was too young and still grieving for Daniel?"

"Yeah. I started to feel like some kind of sick perv who was using you. I wanted to give you a healthier and nicer first time, not seduce some gorgeous, fragile creature who just needed to be held." Emma put the mug down on the counter next to them. Her hands had begun to tremble and she didn't want to spill the coffee.

Despite the warm kitchen, Regina felt a shiver at those words. Emma had found her gorgeous and fragile. Why did that make her feel so exposed? And why did that not make her bristle and pull back? It didn't matter. She had to make Emma see her point of view.

Regina pursed her lips pensively. "Emma. How old were you when you lost your virginity?"

"Kinda young," Emma muttered.

Regina continued, sounding like a school teacher checking if her pupil knew her homework. "And it was to an older lover?"

"Yes, and I've told you that before," Emma said warily.

Regina ignored the last statement. "Did you enjoy it?"

Emma rolled her eyes, now suspecting where this was going. "Yes."

"Did you wish for it to happen?"

Emma had to smile despite herself. "Oh hell yes."

Regina gave a curt nod. "And do you regret it now?"

"No. It was beautiful. He loved me, I loved him and we had lots of fun and it… made me very happy."

"Right. So why would the past incarnation of me care about your age? Or her own, for that matter? She, well I, made the first move. I knew very well what I wanted, Emma. I wanted you. And you just waltzed out of there, deciding what was best for me without asking  _me_. You are always deciding how you can assist me without asking me."

Emma looked perplexed. "But it was the right thing to do, wasn't it?"

"Oh for heaven's sake, Emma! Stop being such a Charming and constantly obsessing about  _doing the right thing_! Just do what would make us both feel better. Things were different in the Enchanted Forest. At that age I was considered not just an adult, but a woman who should have had a husband and a child in my stomach. I was raised differently that people in this world and time and my childhood was very much over by the time I met you. Damn what's  _right_ , you should go back and finish what you started!"

Emma blinked. Did the Mayor just order her to go back and take her virginity?

"Y-You mean seduce you?"

Regina scoffed. "Just go back and make sure you don't run off or anger me. I will… I mean  _she_ … will do the rest. Just… be gentle."

Emma felt dizzy. "Um. Okay, if I do decide to ignore your vulnerability and listen to what you want, what do we do about the timeline?"

Regina suddenly looked energetic for the first time that night. "Ah! Now I have thought about this. As I said before, you have to make me forget what you look and sound like afterwards. That way I will remember all that happened that night but I won't remember that it was  _you_. Then it won't contaminate our timeline and make me behave differently towards you and be so… confused when we meet. It might still cause little changes as I will have had another good memory to cling too, but it shouldn't be enough to make me alter much of my behaviour. I will still have lots of cruelty and manipulation driving me towards madness and murder."

"Oh… goody," Emma said with a grimace.

"You know what I mean," Regina growled at her. "I  _have_  to become the Evil Queen."

Emma rubbed the back of her neck. "Yeah, I know. Okay, so how do I make you forget?"

"I will teach you the spell. And yes… I shall teach you how to counteract it later as well. Then you can come back and boast about your prowess at kissing, or well, whatever we end up doing."

Emma grinned at Regina's sudden primness. "Oh you mean that you'll teach me how to remind you that it was me who fuc…" Emma didn't get a chance to finish that sentence as Regina had instinctively reached out her hand and clasped it over Emma's mouth.

"No need for vulgar jokes, dear. You are doing to deflower me with dignity and tenderness, remember? You might as well get into that mindset now."

Emma nodded and secretly enjoyed the smell and feel of Regina's skin against her mouth. When Regina moved her hand away Emma realised that she regretted not having kissed or licked at the warm hand, but it wasn't the right timing for that.

Emma wasn't sure why Regina seemed to be so convinced that she had been exaggerating when she told the younger version of her that she loved her, but in a way she was grateful. They were so new to all these feelings and Emma felt like they had to take it slow to not mess it up. Perhaps making love in the past would be a good way to ease into making love in the present? Emma hoped so as she felt the lovesick butterflies in her stomach completely drown out the Dark voices in her mind. Regina was her only cure for all that ailed her.

Like two shy teenagers the two women just stood there, staring at each other. Then Regina collected herself and spoke in her usual irritated drawl.

"Right, let's go sit down somewhere comfortable and then we can practice the spell and counter spell. Then I recommend that you go home, sleep, shower and have a hearty breakfast. I will not have my first lover be all dishevelled, unfocused and smelling of vodka."

"Your wish is my command, Madam Mayor," Emma said with a grin.

Suddenly she felt so light that she could fly. Regina wasn't angry with her, they were about to spend time together and sometime tomorrow… she would get to kiss those soft lips again. Right now it didn't even matter that it would be in the past and that Emma had to erase her appearance from Regina's mind afterwards. Right now, she was just… happy and excited.


	7. Heart of Diamonds

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Author’s note: Did I ignore the show’s weird suggestion that magic is done in “Half-elvish” and just chose a cobbled together Latin phrase for the spell? Yes. Yes I did. Sorry. Warning, there will be a violent and disturbing scene in this chapter as Dark Swan comes out to play. (Both Emma and Regina will be fine though!)

Saying goodbye felt painfully awkward. Emma stood on the porch with Regina resting against the doorframe. The light from the hall backlit the Mayor and made her even more ethereally beautiful than usual. Emma had to fight not to lean in and kiss her farewell. Why did things have to be so complicated between them? There were layers of secrets, baggage and insecurities gathered from both their lifetimes and they lingered between them, keeping them apart. And yeah, pride and fear had something to do with it too.

Regina crossed her arms over her chest to keep them away from the stunning woman in front of her. "I trust you will remember the spell for the memory removal."

"I touch your forehead and say damnatio aliqua memoriae. Then I focus my thoughts and magic on the way I look and sound," Emma said while putting her hands into her back pockets.

"Good. That should erase only your appearance and unique sound from my mind, unless you get something wrong of course."

Emma gave a shy little smirk. "So, you'll still remember my taste and touch?"

Regina quirked an eyebrow and nearly hid the smile that drew at the corners of her mouth. She didn't reply though, deciding to leave that delicious thought lingering in both their minds.

"Goodnight, Miss Swan."

"Goodnight Regina. I'll come see you tomorrow after I… after I have been to see you in the past."

Was there a slight red tint in those olive-skinned cheeks? "Alright. Get some rest, dear."

Emma chuckled and looked down at her feet as she mumbled, "I doubt I'll be able to sleep."

Regina once again tried to hide a smile. "Too afraid of the monster you are going to be intimate with tomorrow?"

Emma looked up and stared straight into Regina's eyes. "No. Too excited and honoured."

The seconds seemed to drag on and soon Emma felt the pressure of this very important moment. It scared her and she felt the need to rush off.

"Yeah so… I'll see you tomorrow. Sweet dreams." Emma gave a magical hand gesture and disappeared in a cloud of shimmering, silver smoke.

Slowly Regina closed the door and then leaned against it. Her heart was beating so hard that she wondered if Henry could hear it up to the second floor where he was sleeping. Now that she was alone she let her smile free and it blossomed huge and beautiful across her red lips.

* * *

Emma did manage to get some sleep and she managed some breakfast too, but she didn't get nearly as much of either as she would have liked. It was all due to the butterflies in her stomach and the cognac seemingly injected into her heart.

She took care showering, making sure that every part of her was as immaculate as she could get it. She even went as far as to use magic to smooth out some razor bumps. She was so nervous that it almost felt like it was  _her_  first time too.

She chose to wear a tight black shirt with a Victorian collar and a pair of faux-leather trousers. She wanted to look as much as the Dark One as she could. She stared at her reflection and mumbled to herself; "is that the Dark One or the DORK One?"

Sighing, she changed into a silky, black cocktail dress but that didn't look right either, Enchanted Forest Regina would probably think that was some sort of underwear. No, it had to be the shirt and trousers. She changed back and then swiftly decided to go now before she tried on all of her wardrobe and got all stressed.

She applied a few drops of that expensive Hermes perfume Regina got her last Christmas, at least she knew that Regina liked that scent as she had picked it. Then she took a deep breath, closed her eyes and thought of the moment in time where she had left young Regina yesterday.

When she opened her eyes again she stood in that same moonlit room in a castle far away. Regina was out on the balcony but turned and walked back in the second she heard movement behind her.

"You returned!"

Emma smiled, relieved to get such a pleasant greeting. "Yeah. Hi."

Regina's young face grew stern. "Please don't tell me you spouted all that nonsense about me being too young only as an excuse to go and change your outfit!"

Emma laughed. "No. I left you for the reasons I told you about. But then my version of you convinced me to come back and… see if you would perhaps want me too… stay the night."

Regina gave a little smirk. "And what makes you think I would let you share my bed after you ran out on me so cruelly?"

Emma chuckled. "I don't know? Bad judgement? Or just because you are curious whether or not I can make it up to you?"

The flirty tone that Emma had now adopted seemed to work a charm on the young brunette who gave a coquet smile and whispered, "well, you are an exceedingly good kisser. Perhaps I should find out what else you are good at."

Emma couldn't resist. She gave a deep, theatrical bow and said, "name what you want and I will do everything in my power to give it to you, milady!"

"It will be  _My Queen_ soon," Regina added with barely hidden pride.

Emma gave a faint smile. "Yeah, well, that is later. Tonight you will simply be the lady of my heart and body. If that is okay with you?"

Regina suddenly looked uncomfortable and Emma had to remind herself that while she had feelings for Regina, this version of Regina didn't know her. Hinting about love was a very bad idea. Time to change the topic… fast!

Emma took a few steps towards Regina. "So, what does the Dark One have to do to get a kiss around here?"

Regina sat down on the bed and smiled again, clearly more comfortable with the flirty banter that they had returned to.

"Take what you please, I suppose? At least until I tell you to stop," she said and toyed with the stitches on her cover.

Emma walked over to the bed. "Sounds fair. Prepare those pretty lips, beautiful. They'll be kissed sore before the night is over."

Regina flipped her long hair off of her shoulder and leaned back on the bed. Emma straddled her and gently caressed her cheek with a single finger before leaning in for a hungry kiss. Regina kissed her back, just as eagerly as before, and Emma relished in the hot mouth meeting hers.

Regina broke the kiss by pushing Emma a few inches away. "You smell incredible!"

Emma smiled smugly. "Yeah, I thought you might like it. I'm wearing… well, let's just say that I'm wearing a scented oil that the future you picked out for me."

Regina surveyed her for a moment. "Are the future me and you… lovers?"

"No! I mean, well, not yet at least. But I hope we will be soon," Emma spluttered.

To hide her sudden embarrassment she leant down and kissed Regina's neck. The skin there was so soft and so warm and the little mewling moans that spilled forth from Regina's lips was making Emma wet.

Just as she was about to nibble at Regina's pulse point she heard the door to Regina's bedchamber be flung open. Regina's flinched in fear underneath her but Emma just slowly looked up.

She was too aroused, too captured in this perfect moment to want any interruptions. She felt her muscles tense with anger, her blood rush harder through her veins and those incessant voices whispering about how anyone would  _dare_  to come between her and her satisfaction.

In the door stood a man in armour. Underneath Emma came Regina's whispered words, "he's part of the king's guard. He is meant to keep intruders out of my room."

"You there! Get off of her! Stand and explain your presence and your actions," he boomed with his drawn sword pointing towards the women on the bed.

Emma felt her eyesight flicker darkly with rage. She was beyond calming techniques now. She, and the darkness within, were so close to getting what they needed and there was no way a mere mortal with a sword would stand in her way.

In an almost bird-like manner she flicked her head to the side. She stared at him and when she spoke her voice had returned to the high-pitched, eerie quality it had back when she hadn't learned to control the darkness yet.

"Why should I do that?"

The man laughed but there was no joy in it, just arrogance and dominance. "Because you seem to be tampering, in some deviant way, with  _the_   _King's property_."

This was the wrong thing to say. If Emma had been angry before, she was now a white-hot seething coil of rage. All that buried anger finally had a chance to rise to the surface, and rise it did. Emma moved off Regina with strangely mechanical movements. She looked more like a doll from a nightmare scenario than a human woman. She moved over to the man, gliding soundlessly over the floor and looking at him with her head tilted unnaturally to the side.

When she was so close that the tip of his sword poked into her toned stomach and pierced a hole through the fabric of her shirt, she quietly said, "you'll apologize to the lady for calling her that and then you will leave us alone. If you don't, I will have to erase your memory or perhaps turn you into an animal or a plant or something."

He grinned, but the grin didn't seem quite real anymore and his confident stance had turned into more of an anxious slouch.

"No. You will either come with me to answer to the King and then rot in a cell or I will kill you right here and now," he growled and twisted the sword so that it ripped a bigger hole in Emma's shirt.

Emma could feel the rage and power sing loudly in her blood now. The sword tip which was burrowing into the sensitive skin of her stomach just seemed to fuel the fire. She could smell blood and brimstone in the air and _it all felt so right._ She cocked her head to the other side and then slowly hissed six words.

"How do you wish to die?"

The words echoed in the room despite no other words have echoed in there before. No one seemed to be breathing. The guard stared at her. His bravado and confidence was gone now as he looked right into her eyes which were an unnatural, pitch black.

In an emotionless, soprano voice Emma said, "too late. I'll choose."

Then, in a movement too fast for him to notice it, she reached into his chest and wrenched out his heart. She brought it up to her mouth and as her jaws opened the guard could see that she suddenly had a mouth full of gleaming, pointy teeth. As a reflex he drove his sword into her stomach.

She looked down at the sword now buried in her belly and gave a shrill hiss. Then she looked up at him as if the sword was just a minor inconvenience that she would deal with later. She once again brought his red and black heart up to her mouth and sank her sharp-edged teeth into it. It didn't react as he had expected it to, though. There was no torn red tissue or blood. Instead, the bitten heart seemed to explode into a million little diamonds and shards of glass.

Emma spat them all out, and as the little silvery gems fell to the floor, so did the guard. Dead as a doornail. Emma's teeth returned to their usual shape and the dark demons inside her quieted down. As she returned to herself she knew that she should feel guilty and think of the guard's family. It worried her that she didn't, the darkness incessantly whispered to her that it had been a question of killing or being killed. But hadn't there been another way of dealing with it? It worried her even more what the poor young woman on the bed behind her must be thinking. Poor young Regina would probably be terrified and disgusted!

Thinking about what Regina must be feeling shook out of her dark reverie and she turned to the younger woman.

"Regina? Are you alright?" Her voice was still high and eerie and she had to clear her throat to try and force it back to its normal timbre.

Regina just nodded dumbly and then pointed to the sword which was still in Emma's stomach. Emma cursed loudly at her stupidity. She might be used to being pretty much immortal but Regina probably didn't see a lot of people walking around with swords sticking out of their middle.

"Close your eyes, sweetheart," Emma said with a melancholy smile.

Regina obeyed and as soon as she did, Emma pulled the sword out of herself. With a gesture over her stomach she healed the gaping hole and all the tearing the sword had caused inside her. In mere seconds she was whole and completely healed. She threw the sword on top of the dead guard and the shimmering little diamond pieces of his crushed heart.

As she turned to look at Regina she saw that the young woman had opened her eyes and probably stealthily watched the whole thing.  _Figures,_ Emma thought. _Regina would be curious about how it all worked. She was probably taking mental notes for future reference._

When Emma searched the brunette's face she saw no signs of fear or disgust. Instead there was an odd look of… was that… was she… impressed? Yes. That did look as if the other woman was not just impressed but also somewhat excited about what she had witnessed.

Emma realised that the callous upbringing of Cora Mills mixed with the dark streak in Regina and added into the slight tendency towards cruelty that young women could have, would mean that Regina was more intrigued than frightened.

"Are you sure you are alright, Regina? I'm sorry about that, I can usually control the darkness in me... but when he called you the king's property I just kinda snapped. I don't normally go around killing people," Emma promised with a frown.

Regina swallowed loudly. "I am fine. He would have killed you. I have seen him kill people for less. You were just defending yourself… and defending me. You are like some sort of evil sorceress mixed with a knight in shining armour."

Emma gave a sad, muted scoff. It was depressing to think how impressed Regina was with anyone who stood up for her, even if that included gruesome murder."

"Can you… show me how to do that thing with your teeth? I think it could be useful," Regina said uncertainly.

"No, honey. I won't teach you how to kill. I'm sure Rumplestiltskin will teach you that soon enough. I'm here to teach you something else."

Regina smirked at those words and desire flashed through her chocolate-brown eyes. "How to take a woman?"

Emma's pale eyebrows shot up her forehead. "Well, I was more thinking about the beauty of lovemaking and the pleasure of sharing something so intimate with someone but yeah… I suppose that will be part of it."

Regina laid back on the bed and let her fingers trail from her neck down to her cleavage in a tempting manner. "I am glad to hear it. Well, you might want to hurry up with your _lesson_  before we attract more attention from the King's guard. My future husband likes to make sure that I am… safe."

Emma grinned at the woman at the bed. Suddenly she realised that she had indeed been silly to think Regina too innocent to touch.

Without taking her eyes off Regina, who was still lazily caressing her own cleavage, Emma waved her hand and made the corpse and the sword vanish into thin air.

Emma beamed happily at Regina. "Right. How about we start with more of those tasty kisses?"


	8. Andante Andante

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Author's note: I'm sure I don't need to say this, but I claim no rights to Abba's song, just as I have no rights to the characters from Once Upon a Time. To anyone new to Abba – this is not one of their better songs in my opinion, it's just one that fits well with the story. (Ask me for recommendations of their better songs on tumblr where I'm violetscentedwriter , on Twitter where I'm VioletscentedSQ or on Facebook where I am Violet Scented!) Warning: NSFW

The kissing had led to touching. The touching led to undressing. The undressing led to… well, the heavenly bliss that Emma felt as Regina's uncertain hands trailed over her naked form. Emma was laid out on Regina's bed and the brunette was sliding her fingertips ever so gently over every curve and dip of Emma's body. The way Regina watched her fingers trail over the glittering skin made Emma feel a warmth inside her chest, a warmth which was echoed between her legs.

When Regina's hand trailed up to a breast and softly cupped it, Emma felt her breath catch in her chest. Regina immediately looked up to Emma's face and searched for confirmation that she was doing the right thing. Emma smiled at her and was happy to see the smile returned on Regina's kiss-swollen lips.

Emma laid her hand on top of Regina's and made her squeeze the mound ever so gently. They moaned at the same time and this made Regina give a little snigger. So far the younger woman was careful and uncertain but ever so eager to try everything. Emma searched those warm, brown eyes but found very little of the usual sadness in them. It seemed that for this one insulated moment, Regina was far away from the ugliness of her day to day life.

Emma moved her hand away from Regina's and the brunette clearly saw this as permission to keep exploring. She caressed her way over Emma's toned stomach and headed south with a hand that seemed to be trembling slightly.

The younger woman's gaze landed between Emma's legs. In the silent room Regina's voice sounded unnaturally clear as she said "is it strange that I have hair there?"

Emma was taken aback at the question before she realised that shaving everywhere was probably not an Enchanted Forest thing.

"Oh, um, no. No, it's just that some people remove all the hair on their bodies where I come from. "

Regina scrunched up her nose in a gesture that Emma recognized all too well from  _her_ Regina. It was just as adorable on the younger version of the brunette.

"That sounds… cumbersome and time consuming."

Emma laughed. "It is. Sometimes I wonder why I even bother. But worry less about that and focus more on what's a little further down there."

Regina bit her lower lip in a way that made Emma's heart beat painfully fast. Then she trailed her fingers over Emma's smooth mons pubis. There she lingered and once more looked to Emma for approval. Emma placed her hand over the trembling hand and guided Regina's index finger in between her swollen lips. When Regina felt the hot wetness waiting for her there she gave a little gasp. It made Emma smile and that smile lasted until Regina's finger made contact with her clit. Then the smile turned into a subdued but outdrawn moan.

Emma realised that if they continued like this she wouldn't last long. But this wasn't about her pleasure. That could wait.

"Regina. Do you want to lay down so I can touch you now?"

The younger woman slowly pulled her hand back and automatically cleaned her wet finger with her mouth, clearly starting at the taste that suddenly filled her mouth.

She looked shocked for a moment but then said, "you… taste rather nice, Dark One."

Emma smiled and felt so much tenderness for the woman in front of her. Right now she felt like she could, and would, kill anyone who ever hurt this woman.

"Thank you. So, do you want to keep exploring or do you want to lay down and be explored?"

Regina gave a naughty smirk and laid down. The way that the younger woman draped herself on the bed, with her thighs wide open and thereby brazenly displaying her damp black curls, made Emma want to bury her face there and never surface. She took a deep breath and reminded herself to go slow. She suddenly recalled that 80s ballad they had listened to in Granny's when Regina had first told her about wanting a better first time – Andante Andante. It seemed fitting now that she thought about it.

Emma laid herself on top of the brunette, covering every inch of the golden skinned body with her own glimmering paleness and shielded Regina's nakedness from the chill of the stone walls and the open balcony door.

She looked down at the beauty beneath her. "Are you okay?"

"Oh most certainly," Regina rasped in a low, breathy voice.

Emma took that as permission to start and began to kiss Regina's ear. As her lips travelled down to Regina's neck she remembered the start of lyrics to that song. She remembered the lyrics verbatim as she had to hear it on repeat in a foster home where the mother had a serious Abba-addiction.

_Take it easy with me please_  
_Touch me gently like a summer evening breeze_  
 _Take your time, make it slow_  
 _Andante, andante_  
 _Just let the feeling grow_

Her kisses covered the golden skin and created goosebumps and little pleasured moans. Soon Emma's fingers began to caress Regina's thighs slowly and teasingly. In her mind the next part of the song became a backdrop to the sound of her mouth kissing the soft skin.

_Make your fingers soft and light_  
_Let your body be the velvet of the night_  
 _Touch my soul, you know how_  
 _Andante, andante_  
 _Go slowly with me now_

Emma's tongue licked its way from Regina's belly button and down into the dewy curls. The scent in them was intoxicating, heady and spicy. As Emma buried her face and breathed the scent in, Regina's hands grasped fistfuls of the covers beneath her and held on for dear life. Emma left the curls to move down to the wet velvet below. As she began to lick and kiss, she heard Regina draw in breath loudly. Emma moved her tongue in a slow and steady rhythm and let one hand hold Regina's hip, tracing little comforting circles with her thumb, while the other hand moved up so that Emma could let her fingertips caress a taut nipple. Regina's heavy breathing had shifted into little whimpers and pleasured words that made no sense. In Emma's mind the song kept playing.

_I'm your music_  
_I am your music and I am your song_  
 _I'm your song_  
 _I am your music and I am your song_  
 _Play me time and time again and make me strong_  
 _Play me again 'cause you're making me strong_  
 _Make me sing, make me sound_  
 _You make me sing and you make me_  
 _Andante, andante_  
 _Tread lightly on my ground_  
 _Andante, andante_  
 _Oh, please don't let me down_

Regina was whimpering louder now and it was turning into moans. A woman moaning always sounded amazing but a woman with Regina's deep and rich voice…Emma realised that it sounded divine! She focused her licking on the erect little nub that seemed to need her attention. Regina's back was beginning to arch up from the bed a little every time she breathed in and Emma saw that as a good sign. She didn't rush her licking though, she wanted Regina to feel every second of pleasure that she could. The taste of Regina filled her mouth now and Emma had to keep herself from moaning in contentment at the sensation. This felt so damn right.

Suddenly Regina grew silent. Emma looked up, still licking but doing it gentler now. Their eyes met for a second before Regina gave a stifled whimper and then closed her eyes. Emma realised that she wasn't quiet because she wasn't enjoying herself anymore, she was just focusing on her orgasm slowly building. Emma returned her licking to full force and focused on different ways of massaging the hard clit with her tongue. The song played on in her head, seemingly without her being able to stop it.

_There's a shimmer in your eyes_   
_Like the feeling of a thousand butterflies_   
_Please don't talk, go on play_   
_Andante, andante_   
_And let me float away_

Then it happened. Regina's back arched completely off the bed and Emma moved her head along to not loose contact with the pulsating little nub between her lips. Regina was almost wailing as the pleasure crashed over her and Emma worried that more guards would come running. But then if they did… she was the Dark One and no one was going to stop her from pleasuring the love of her life. Emma jolted at that thought and swallowed down the wetness coating her tongue.  _Love of her life_? She did a quick stock take of the men and women she had loved in her life and slowly realised that it was probably true, she had never felt anything as strong as the feelings she had for Regina. Well no, she had felt that powerful love for Henry, but never for a lover.

Regina had landed back on the bed now and small, trembling aftershocks of pleasure seemed to be coursing through her as she gave cute little twitches occasionally.

Emma once more draped herself on top of Regina and held her close. As soon as the brunette's breathing had calmed down, she began to let her hands slide over Emma's back and buttocks. They kissed and Emma heard Regina moan suggestively at the taste which now filled both their mouths. It made Emma's sex twitch to hear that moan. Just how hot could this woman be?

Soon Regina's right hand moved away from her ass and over her hip and then it nestled its way between them. Emma was pretty certain that she knew where that hand was heading and if she was honest; she could barely wait to feel those eager fingers between her folds again. Regina broke away from the kiss as her fingers found their target. Emma put her knees down on either side of Regina so she could hold herself up and give the brunette better access.

Regina searched for her eyes again and Emma locked their gaze and smiled though her pleasant shivers as Regina's fingers moved around. Soon the eager fingers found her clitoris and began to rub. The motion was a little rough and jerky and Emma gave a little groan before whispering, "do it gentler, build it up before you get rougher." Regina nodded and her fingers became soft and tender. Emma laid her head down and buried her smiling face in Regina's thick mane of soft curls as the damned song finished in her head.

_I'm your music  
I am your music and I am your song_  
_I'm your song_  
_I am your music and I am your song_  
 _Play me time and time again and make me strong_  
 _Play me again 'cause you're making me strong_  
 _Make me sing, make me sound_  
 _You make me sing and you make me_  
 _Andante, andante_  
 _Tread lightly on my ground_  
 _Andante, andante_  
 _Oh, please don't let me down_

_Make me sing, make me sound_   
_You make me sing and you make me_   
_Andante, andante_   
_Tread lightly on my ground_   
_Andante, andante_   
_Oh, please don't let me down_   
_Andante, andante_   
_Oh, please don't let me down_

As Emma had expected, it really didn't take her long to come. Soon she was bucking wildly against Regina's uncertain fingers. As she came she howled Regina's name into the long soft hair and she hoped that she was far enough away from the young woman's ear not to deafen her permanently.

When her orgasm left her there, limp and helpless in Regina's arms, she once more had the strange feeling of this being her first time too. She felt completely vulnerable and helplessly in love. She had to fight the urgent need to travel back to her time and find _her_  Regina right away. She needed to strip away all the past that made them both keep their distance. She needed this closeness, but with her own Regina and not this past version. However, a content little sigh from the woman beneath her reminded her that she would have to wait with that, after all, she wasn't here because of her own needs. She was here to make this young woman enjoy one night of pleasure and fun before the nightmare began in earnest.

She lifted herself up on her elbows and looked down on the beautiful brunette. "Still doing okay?"

"Oh I am just  _marvellous,_ " Regina replied with a beaming grin.

Emma laughed. "Yeah, that you are, sweetie… that you are."

Suddenly, with the first throngs of arousal swept away, Regina seemed shy again and even a little tense.

"So, what happens now? My mother said that my husband would take what he wanted and then fall asleep. Does that apply here?"

Emma scoffed. "Nope. Not really. We have a choice, we other continue touching and kissing and… well... the other stuff. Or we can say goodnight and get some sleep if you want. Unless you want me to leave?"

Regina burst out, "no! No, stay."

Emma laughed at her sweet eagerness, not out of malice, but just because it made her feel so happy. Sadly, this just made Regina tense up even more.

Emma frowned and tried to remember her own first time. There had been awkward moments where she had been so unsure of if she was doing the right thing. There was such pressure to get it all right and to not make a fool of yourself. She realised that she had to break the ice and make Regina relax before they continued. So she did what came natural to her: she moved her weight to her knees and used her hands to tickle Regina's sides and armpits. With the modern day version of Regina, Emma probably wouldn't have braved that manoeuvre. Not on their first time, anyway. But with this young woman it worked perfectly. Regina gave an irresistible giggle before breathlessly growling, "stop that, you brute!" She playfully slapped at Emma's hands and the blonde stopped.

Regina panted for breath and tried not to giggle, while Emma began to lick and tease the brunette's dusky pink nipples.

When Regina could breathe again she asked tentatively, "can we really just continue this?"

"We can until you get sleepy, sweetness."

Regina bit her lower lip and then wrapped her legs around Emma's hips. "Good. Then could you please lick me again, Dark One?"

The blonde grinned. "Only if you call me Emma."

Regina smiled and slowly said " _Emma_ " in that way which always played tricks with Emma's heart. And so their night continued until morning when Regina finally had her fill and slowly fell asleep in Emma's arms. As soon as she was sure that the younger woman was sleeping, she gently placed her hand on Regina's soft forehead and whispered, "damnatio aliqua memoriae." She focused her magic on Regina's memories of her own appearance, voice and of course her name and soon felt it melt away from Regina's recollections.

Emma then disentangled herself from the warm sleeping body of the young Regina Mills and stood up. She spoke very quietly, careful to not penetrate the sleeping mind and leave any subconscious memories.

"Goodnight, angel… and good luck with everything. I'll meet you again and then you'll be really pissed off at me for being your son's birthmom. I love you, I'll tell you that one day and please…when I do… try to believe me."

She used magic to make her clothes reappear on her body and then she focused back on the present and her Bug and soon found herself sitting in the driver's seat of her car. She took a long shaky breath and drove towards 108 Mifflin Street. She thought about just poofing over there, but she knew she would need the drive to calm down. As she drove along the morning-quiet streets she realised that she could still smell Regina on her skin. She smiled and felt like she would never be able to stop grinning like a Cheshire cat. Her mind kept playing that damn, sappy song and she didn't even mind anymore.

_I am your music and I am your song  
Play me time and time again and make me strong_

She put her foot down and raced along the streets. Soon she would see Regina again.  _Her_  Regina.


	9. Remembering

Emma stood by the front door to 108 Mifflin Street. She was exhausted and the only thing that was keeping her awake was the adrenaline and endorphins coursing through her system. She rang the doorbell with nervous fingers and stood back to wait for Regina to open. Suddenly she realised that she probably didn't smell too fresh, she waved her hand and freshened herself up. While she was at it she morphed her clothes into a pair of black jeans and a jade green tank top, maybe if she dressed more comfortably she wouldn't feel so damn anxious. Regina opened the door just as the magic faded around her.

"Emma? Is there a reason why you are performing magic on my porch at 8.30 on a Monday?"

That was when Emma realised that Regina was probably on her way to work. As she had spent a whole night away, her internal clock was all out of whack. Thinking about it, she realised that it was the same morning that she had taken off for the Enchanted Forest. But did Regina remember sending her home the night before and asking her to travel to that other realm and take her virginity? Probably not due to the changes in the timeline, Regina would no longer have told Emma about her horrible experience with losing her virginity. This was so confusing!

"Look, Regina. I know you are on your way to Town Hall now but I really need you to call them and say you'll be late. I have to talk to you about something important and I don't think it can wait. Or, well, I don't think _I_ can wait."

Regina looked like she was going to argue until she saw the look on Emma's face. "Alright. Come on in and I will go call my assistant and say that I will be delayed."

"Great. Thanks," Emma replied as she followed Regina into the mansion.

She decided to wait in the kitchen while Regina made the call. When Emma was alone in the kitchen she saw Regina's abandoned coffee mug standing next to the sink with a few inches of coffee still in it. There was a lipstick stain in the hue of the plum-coloured lipstick that Regina was wearing today and Emma smiled as she saw it. She didn't know why she was doing it, but she found herself picking up the mug and placing her lips on top of the lipstick mark. She drank the lukewarm coffee, which was far too strong for her as she preferred milk in her coffee, and felt closer to Regina as she did it. She really was helplessly drunk with love and she felt pathetic for it.

Emma's exhilaration at seeing Regina again was being doused by the cold water of realising that Regina was looking at her and seeing a friend and nothing more. Emma could feel the sensations of last night so vividly, she could remember what Regina smelled like and how she tasted and it felt so strange to be so out of sync with Regina. All their stored emotions and memories were so fresh for Emma and so out of Regina's reach. Not only was it decades ago for the brunette, she also had no idea that the stranger in her bed had been Emma.

Regina walked into the kitchen, swaggering elegantly in her high heels. "Right. You have about 45 minutes until I have to be in my first meeting of the day. What was it that was so important?"

Emma tried to figure out where to begin. "Um. Okay. Do you remember that I can time travel?"

Regina scowled at her. "Yes. I remember that and I also seem to have a faint memory of us discussing you time traveling to change something but I can't quite recall what. What have you done?"

Emma winced. "Oh, okay. Well, when I left you last night you did talk about that you might drink a potion which would make your memories hazy, that way you wouldn't have to be too confused about stuff until I returned to our time today and restored your memories."

Regina gave an unamused sigh. "I repeat my question… what have you done? What timelines have you muddled and what dead people have your brought with you this time?"

Emma looked defensive. "Nothing and no one! What I went back to do only changed something connected to you and me and if you let me touch your forehead I can restore the memories to you so you remember everything."

For some reason it felt thrilling and terrifying to Regina to let Emma touch her. She didn't know why. Memories that didn't quite seem real flashed in her mind. The one that stood out the most was the memory of sinking to the floor and realising that she was in love with Emma Swan. She suddenly gave a violent shiver. Was that true? Oh god, it probably was. This confusion was horrendous, she had to know what was going on. Still, things had to be cleared up first.

"If I allow you to touch me, will you only return the memories of what you changed in the past?"

Emma brows furrowed. "No, I think you said that all memories would clear with this counter spell. So anything that has happened in modern time, which you chose to blur out to keep yourself from confusion…. Well, I think that should all come streaming back too. I don't know though, you are the magic expert."

Regina pursed her lips and then gave a curt nod. "That does make sense. Alright, you may touch me."

Those last words gave Emma goosebumps. She wanted to touch her alright. She wanted to cup Regina's chin and kiss her slowly. She wanted to run her fingers over Regina's bared arms and then place soft kisses all over her beautiful face.

Instead of doing any of those things, she did the one thing she could do right now. She slowly walked over to Regina and placed her fingertips on her forehead. Reverentially she whispered, "memento."

Regina squeezed her eyes shut. This hurt. As her memories changed, morphing a stranger with a nondescript face into Emma Swan, she felt something akin to a tension headache build and throb at her temples. When that night had all become clear again she recalled all the present day memories: her realising her feelings for Emma after her drunken confession about her virginity, the fight they had, that first visit to the past when Emma had kissed her… it all clicked into place like a puzzle that was laying itself in her mind.

Emma slowly removed her fingers as Regina opened her eyes and stared at her in confusion. The brunette took a few deep breaths as things cleared.

"Memory is a strange thing. I knew that the stranger who took my virginity was an incarnation of the Dark One but I still didn't connect the dots," Regina mused.

Emma shrugged and put her hands in the back pockets of her jeans. "I really don't know anything about this stuff, but I can tell you this much – I am not messing around with time travel anymore. It gets waaaaay too messy."

Regina gave an uncomfortable smile. "Yes, I would suggest that we both keep away from it."

Emma frowned. "Did I… did I cause more trouble? Have I messed something up? Perhaps I should have left it alone. You don't… regret asking me to do it, do you?"

Regina searched Emma's eyes as she whispered, "no. Emma, god no."

She took two steps towards the woman with the platinum hair and sparkling skin.

"I am eternally grateful for what you did. That night, it meant so much to me. There was so much tenderness and love in everything you did and I… I was not used to someone putting my needs first and selflessly just wanting to make sure I was ok. The only people who ever did that was my father and Daniel and neither of them was given much chance to do it. The sweetness and care you showed planted a seed in me, a seed which didn't get a chance to bloom until much later when I had learned to control my rage and to love again, but still… it was always there with me, like a talisman."

Emma braved a smile. "I'm glad it didn't make things worse."

"Emma. Of course not, in fact it… helped me avoid some things. It helped me make the right decisions when it came to sex and love. I still murdered and tortured but at least I knew that love and lovemaking was not to be tainted with my bloodlust."

"Does that mean that you… didn't do what you once admitted to me that you had done to Graham?"

Regina looked perplexed. "Graham?"

Emma had to think about what his Enchanted Forest equivalent had been. "Um, the Huntsman?"

"Oh him? I'm afraid I had him killed after he refused to kill your mother."

Emma took a deep breath. So that was so far the only unexpected consequence of her time travel. Yes, it was horrible that Graham had died before even getting a chance to see this new realm, but at least he hadn't been sexually assaulted by Regina before his death. It was funny how one tiny good action had caused such a strangely positive outcome. Emma let the nagging thought surface – what if she went back and prevented Daniel from dying? Yes, it could have bigger consequences… but maybe they would be good ones?

Regina broke her reverie with a displeased hum. "What are you thinking about? You have that look."

Emma scowled. "What look?"

Regina quirked an eyebrow and put her hands on her hips. "That look you have before you do something courageous but foolish."

Emma laughed. Perhaps she better let sleeping dogs lie. After all, any little change she made could cause her to loose Regina and she couldn't bare that.

"Never mind. So…um… where do we go from here?"

Regina looked up at the ceiling as she pondered this. "That new restaurant."

"What?" Emma asked in bewilderment.

Regina looked impatient. "That new restaurant that Ruby opened down by the harbour. I believe they specialize in seafood? I suggest we start there. Say eight a clock tonight?"

Emma stared open-mouthed. "Jesus Regina! Are you asking me out on a date?"

"Yes. The fact that you got me into bed before I knew you does not mean that I don't expect to do this correctly. I am a Queen and from now on I expect to be wooed before you lay another glittering finger on me."

Emma's surprised smile nearly grew from ear to ear and she felt a strange, warm tingle filling her chest.

Regina scoffed at her expression. "Oh don't look so stunned, dear. I remember how you touched me and I remember how you looked at me. I know now that you are as in love with me as I am with you, heavens help me, and so it only makes sense that we go out for dinner like mature adults."

Emma quickly collected herself. "Oh, so you remember how I touched you, huh? Was it like this?" She walked over and put her hand on Regina's hip, feeling the other woman's warmth through the thin grey dress.

Regina tried to hide a smirk. "Don't take liberties, Miss Swan. As I said, we will do this  _slowly and correctly_  now. Henry deserves parents who court each other properly and don't just fall into bed at every given second. And besides some of us have to get to work and you have already made me late."

Emma gave a disappointed little growl. She could still taste Regina on her lips and she was desperate to see if the brunette still kissed the same way.

"Ah-ah, none of that. Now get your sugar-skinned paw off me."

Now it was Emma's turn to smirk. "Oh, hang on, you don't want me touching you like this? Well what if I do this…?" She moved her hand up and let her index finger tickle Regina's side.

In a regal and faux-angered voice Regina snapped, "stop that, you brute" and slapped Emma's hand away just as she had back in the castle.

Emma's whisper sounded reverent as it left her smiling mouth. "You remember that, huh?"

Regina couldn't stop herself from dropping her own voice to a deeper and quieter tone. "I remember  _everything_. And I will be eternally grateful to you for that night, and for everything else you have done for me too. I think we should try to initiate a romantic relationship, but I believe we should take it slow."

Emma smiled and muttered, "andante andante"

"Pardon?" Regina enquired.

Emma waved her hand in a dismissive gesture. "Never mind. Taking things slow sounds great and yeah, I'll meet you by The Walrus."

Regina scrunched up her nose. "Is that what the restaurant is called?"

"Yeah, apparently it's a reference to the Walrus and the Carpenter? They were characters in Alice in Wonderland who ate clams or something."

"I see," Regina replied, clearly bored with the topic already. "Well, that is settled then. Now, I better get to work so I can prepare for my meeting."

She leaned over and gave Emma a quick kiss. While it wasn't a long kiss, it felt nearly electric in intensity and there was no doubt in either of the women's mind that the evening would hold many more of those kisses in store.

Regina straightened her shoulders and headed for the door. Emma took the hint and followed her, trying hard to not stare at the Mayor's shapely behind as she walked.

When Regina had her hand on the door handle she turned to face Emma. "Oh and by the way, I would like to point out that despite the dating procedure being slow and while our tender lovemaking was perfect on that first night… I usually prefer my sexual encounters a little more wild and that is what I will expect in the future."

Emma nearly swallowed her tongue. "Wild as in rough?"

Regina took a step out and held the door open for Emma. "Wild as in that I expect _teeth marks_."

With a huge grin Emma said, "now that I can do, Madam Mayor. You know I've got bite. I'll see you tonight."

When they both had gotten into their cars, Emma noticed that Regina had picked up her cell phone and was typing something. A few seconds later a text arrived in her own cell. It simply read:  _Keep being this perfect and I might just allow you to not only be my first lover, but also my last._

Emma beamed at the screen and looked up to catch a glimpse of Regina. As she turned the key in the ignition, the brunette gave a tentative smile, one that seemed to come from underneath the layers of sarcastic and tough armour that the woman usually wore and show Emma a glimpse of the young woman Regina had been when they first met. With a skipped heartbeat Emma realised that there was not a single facet to this woman's personality that she didn't love now.

As she watched Regina drive away she decided that from now on she would be less worried about trying to fix Regina's past and more focused on improving her future.  _Their_  future.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Final Author's note: Thank you so much for reading this fic, recommending it to others and in general for all your support! If I haven't replied to your comments and reviews yet, please bare with me as I will do so as soon as I have time


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